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Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

It happened to me

I have always considered myself to be one of those women who would never find herself the object of someone’s unwanted attention. And should I ever find myself in that situation, I knew I would take the steps to fight back, to not be the victim.

Or so I thought.

I had made a new friend, and he was a handful to deal with, but friends come in all flavors and he was helpful to me when I had to move. He helped me to get 85% of my stuff out of my old place and for that I was very grateful for.

But, he also had his drawbacks. He has a penchant to interrupt which is a major pet peeve of mine. Another major flaw was his love affair with Trump. But, I dealt with those and allowed room for the friendship to grow. (He had other flaws, but there is no reason to list them all.)

Now, this guy is in some capacity, in the massage industry. Some times he would come around a place I hang out at and would walk up to various people and give them a massage. The first time he gave me one was to help me get rid of a migraine. Then, every few days he would just come around, massage my shoulders, neck or back.

After a couple of months our conversations didn’t change, but every once in awhile his touch did. Nothing obvious, nothing overt just… A bit different.

Then, one night I slept wrong, injuring myself. Somehow I had laid on my side in a way that became painful the next day. I woke to find I could barely lift my arm. Later that day, while relaxing after work and trying to get the kink out of my shoulder, he arrived and offered to help me with it.

So, we sat in a semi-secluded corner of my hangout and he started to work on it. His hands were gentle and cautious as he began, “exploring” the extent of area that was tense and in pain. I was wearing my work clothes, which made it a wee bit more difficult because, well, I was wearing two shirts. ( Cold weather, Ohio, we layer.) So he was working on my shoulder and the next thing I know is he has his hand through my sleeve.

This was different, but, it made sense, I thought.

Now, this was no quick massage and my shoulder was unwilling to release the pain. His hand didn’t stay in my shirt the whole time. He would pull out and work the kinks down my arm, up my shoulder, etc. I did what I could to relax, allow his work to work.

I was in pain. I was trying to relax. I was trying to let go. I was trying to ignore everything else in the shop. I was slow to realize that every time someone came in to the shop he would withdraw his hand from my shirt.

It clicked when his hand lowered, covering my breast.

It was only for a moment. A speck of time so short I wasn’t certain it happened. It couldn’t have. I mean, this doesn’t happen to me and, if it did, I wouldn’t just sit there…

Then he did it again.

I… Couldn’t process it.

He couldn’t be doing that.

Not to me.

Not there in public.

Not in my friend’s shop.

Didn’t anyone see him doing it?

Why didn’t I stop him?

I should have.

I should have jumped to my feet, bitched him out, slapped the crap out of him and embarrassed the living fuck out of him!

Instead I sat there, frozen as he cupped my breast and squeezed my nipple.

When he was done, he hugged me and left the shop for the day.

Me? I sat there.

Embarrassed, ashamed, shocked…

I packed up my things a few minutes later and went home, numb.

Numb.

That is one word that seems the most descriptive of all the English language. You feel it as you say it, think it, imagine it. Numb.

It took about two days to talk to my friends about the incident. I was still in disbelief and, admittedly I wasn’t fully believed. Not fully believed, but they began to be more wary of him.

And me? Well, my habits changed a bit.

I arrived later than usual to the shop n hopes of missing him. As part of my privilege of being an unofficial employee I could find shelter behind the counter with the employees, keeping a wall between him and I.

After two weeks, though, I had come to terms with it and a spark was lit within me. That spark fired a confrontation between us to which I basically told him what he did was wrong, unwanted, unwarranted, and would never, ever happen again. He is not allowed to touch me, not even for a hug.

And then he said it.

“I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know why you allowed it. Obviously I find you attractive…” More was said, but you get the jiest.

A few days I confessed to two more friends. One who’s core is fire and the other who’s core is apparently brimstone. Together the two of them approached him and gave it to him. They flogged him, then banished him from the shop.

Things have been so relaxful since.

I still feel horrible it happened at the shop, and that my friends had to be involved in it at all, but I guess that shows me how strong my new friendships are to me.

I have mentioned no names here, and I don’t plan to. All involved know who is who. This was written for me.

~K.

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terrorism

[teruh-riz-uh m]
noun
1. The use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.
2. The state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3. A terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.
People who are terrorist are the ones who want you to be afraid.
They want to make you afraid to go out to eat.
They want to make you afraid to go out to a concert.
They want to make you afraid to go to school.
They want to make you afraid of religions.
They want to make you afraid to trust anyone.
They want to make you afraid to travel.
They want to make you afraid to go to work.
They want to make you afraid.
Don’t be afraid.
Don’t let them win.
Fight back.
Don’t give in.
Prove to them you are strong and alive.
Go shopping. Run in a marathon. Go to work. Go to school. Go to the movies. Go to a concert. Travel. Live. Love. Laugh.
You can do it.
I have faith in you.

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Greetings my friends, fans and followers!

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?

How about a update?

Okay, Art. I have not been doing art lately as so much has happened, but I am back to it starting today. ((Sorry Dev, your’s is second on the list. Promise!)) My mind on art kinda went a bit drip dry, but I am working on it again. Yay! Cause I love doing it!

Life. Many things have happened in the past few months. First was the big change: a change of venue. I moved away from North Carolina and moved back to my home state of Ohio. I moved in with a couple of friends who I believe do know I am not the sanest person on the block, but are willing to try to deal with it. After the move, I managed to get a job, but then my heart was devastated when I was in a really good (or bad, depends on your view…) accident. In the end I was injured and my wonderful car was totalled. This has been a HUGE issue for me, as I have never been without wheels, and now rely on others for assistance until I can scrap together cash to buy a new set of rusty wheels.

The accident also put a crimp in my art and my writing because I could not sit at my desk like I had been, to write. So, I grabbed a notebook, and a pen and kept writing. This has caused another issue though, that I am trying to work through…

So, with that said, I hope to get back into being knee deep in the art and stuff this afternoon. Keep on reading y’all!

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lem·ming

noun

Any of various small, mouse-like rodents of the genera Lemmus, Myopus,  and Dicrostonyx,  of far northern regions, as L. lemmus,  of Norway, Sweden, etc., noted for periodic mass migrations that sometimes result in mass drownings.

So, Patrick Stump was recently in the news for his blog post. In it he was commenting on the issue that “everyone hates Nickelback”. (The Rock band, not the refund.)

This is, amazingly enough, not news to me.

Oh, don’t get me wrong!

I like Nickelback.

No, I really do.

Honest!

Now, you have to ask yourself, “Why the hell does she like Nickelback?”

That is actually a easy question to answer.

For a moment, I won’t say “Cause their music rocks!” Nope. Not saying that just yet. Hear the other reasons first:

  1. Chad Kroeger is frickin hot.
  2. Ryan Peake is frickin hot.
  3. Mike Kroeger is frickin hot
  4. Daniel Adair ((**sigh** The Drummer)) is frickin hot!
  5. Their songs are good.
  6. They have songs that are Metal, Rock or Light Rock.
  7. They know their listeners and know what they want.
  8. They don’t compromise on their style.
  9. Their style of music is what Rock used to be, before Grunge.
  10. Rock used to be about sex, drugs and having fun, themes they stick to and reap the benefits from.

Ten reasons good enough for you?

So, why don’t people like their music? Well, a percentage of them say it’s cause the themes of their music are based on strippers, sex, prostitutes, drugs, sex, drinking and sex. (See reason 10.)
Another reason could be that their music is neither rap, pop nor techno. Kind of a good thing, but since most people today fall into the category of lemmings and not individual people with the ability to enjoy what they like or experiment on what is out there. In today’s world, everyone thinks they can rap and make a living out of it. (You can’t and few do.) Techno is just “thump thump thump thump” of recorded music that breeds migraines. Pop is… Pop is the kind of music you like cause your friends like it, and the radio stations repeat their library of Pop every 70 minutes so, you eventually think you like the music cause you know all the words.
Why do people hate them?
Because the haters refuse to try to think for themselves.
The people that don’t hate, but also don’t like Nickelback… They have their own reasons.
To you, the intelligent reader (I know you are intelligent, cause you read my ramblings…) I say, “Never dislike something until you’ve tried it. Then you can use your own mind to determine if you like it, or if you are a lemming. If you are a lemming, please remove yourself from my followers list.”

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Darkness, The Recovery

Hello all.

So, I had been engulfed by the Darkness and struggled past it. I am glad to say that it is not as dark as it had been now. Also, I know why I got hit so heavily with it this time around.

My IC flared up and my PCOS was giving me some issues as well. On top of that, my kitties had to find a new home since my residency will be changing. And, not only that… I was suffering through some PMS.

I want to thank everyone who sent me good, warm thoughts, and I know I wasn’t alone in The Darkness.

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Change

Change is coming.

Something new…

Something old…

I may ask a favor.

I may need a hand.

I hope one of you responds.

I hope one of you can.

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Sometimes some of us come across periods in our lives where we find Darkness. Sometimes it’s a fear or a thought. Sometimes it’s a action or motion. Sometimes it’s a person or a place. No matter what it is, it is still a Darkness. And, we each, in our own way fight that Darkness, struggle against it, run from it, hide from it, scream at it, cry from it, and we all just want it to go away.

Sometimes, some of us become incredibly lucky and things happen, or words are said, or actions are delivered, or… sometimes, people come into your life that help you diminish that Darkness. Oh, not all people. Sometimes you can come across people that you should never have let into your life. That you should never have befriended. Have never have listened to their lies, believed their promises, been enpassioned by their words… And those people increase the Darkness you know.

But sometimes, sometimes something rare and good happens. Sometimes that Darkness is swept away from you and you never think about it again except on a random night. But, for all intents and purposes, that Darkness, that fear, those memories… Sometimes they go away.

I don’t know exactly when some of my ugliest Darkness disappeared. I don’t know exactly who to thank for it. I know that in the last 10 years I have let some good people into my life. I have also let some rather nasty ones in as well. I know I harbored and hid some pretty ugly Darkness. Today, I was reminded of one or two of them, and then I realized that they had been gone. I don’t think they are back to traumatize me. I don’t think they will haunt my nightmares again. But, I also don’t think that they will impact my life like they had.

I want to thank all of those that had been a light in my life, who have helped remove this Darkness. I hope that if I haven’t yet, that one day I will be able to repay the kindness.

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